The Mac Sucks!

Here’s an older skit from G4TV’s “Attack of the Show” program which parodies Steve Jobs announcing the iPhone 3G (not the newer 3G S) and how Apple is going to help customers of the older iPhone blend in.

Found this older Saturday Night Live iPhone commercial parody on hulu.com today. I guess there really are apps for everything…

The folks at Landline.TV have prepared a parody of the Microsoft “laptop hunters” advertisements featuring “Homeless Frank” who goes searching for a $1,000 laptop and winds up shading his head with it at the end. Be warned, it features “inappropriate” language and other “not safe for work” elements.

A light-hearted look at what goes on at the cell phone reunion…

Apple has taken an awful beating for the iPhone applications it has refused to put in the App Store. We always hear about the apps they rejected that they probably shouldn’t have, but how about the hundreds of apps they refuse every day that really have no business on an iPhone or iPod Touch? We scoured through Apple’s dumpster to find the top 5 apps we’re glad Apple didn’t put in the App Store:

Microsoft Office for iPhone: Need to crank out a quick memo, presentation, or spreadsheet on the go? Turn to the world’s leading office suite, Microsoft Office – now on your iPhone. This 8GB download turns your iPhone into the ultimate business productivity tool. These apps make extensive use of the multi-touch “zoom” functionality. Note: Due to the design of the iPhone and iTunes software, documents created using Microsoft Office for iPhone can’t be synchronized with your desktop computer, sent as email attachments, copied to a flash card, printed, or posted to the web.

iPhone Boot Camp: Tired of the iPhone’s built-in OS? With iPhone Boot Camp, you can switch between all your your favorite mobile operating systems, such as Windows Mobile, RIM’s Blackberry OS, the Palm OS, and even the Newton OS. The entire world of handheld applications is now open to you.

Serial Killa Pro: The perfect all-in-one application for mass murderers. Provides a search feature to help identify potential victims, GPS-guided directions to corpse-disposal sites, on-line weapon ordering, an alibi generator, a scrapbook for memories of past victims, and an encrypted store of GPS coordinates to your victims’ bodies to use as a bargaining chip if you’re caught.

iLook at Me: This is the ultimate social networking tool. No part of your life will be off limits ever again! Randomly activates the iPhone’s camera and/or microphone to capture “candid” images of the iPhone owner’s life. Captured images are immediately uploaded to social networking sites like Facebook and emailed to all your contacts. Imagine the fun of sharing your illicit affairs, drunken stupors, secret conversations, and intimate moments with the entire world! iLook at Me even communicates with other nearby iPhones in your vicinity to obtain the best possible image and sound – as seen below. ( Warning: This app can’t be shut off or uninstalled once purchased.)

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   (Image courtesy of Bistrosavage on Flickr.com)
   
   

Virtual iFriend: Once installed, this handy little app runs 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Every few minutes, it randomly simulates voice mails, phone calls, emails, and/or text messages from friends, giving you the appearance of an active social life. With Virtual iFriend, everyone around you will know you have an iPhone (and some of them may even think you have friends). Warning: Virtual iFriend may cause your real friends – as well as complete strangers – to develop a sudden urge to violently insert your iPhone into your anal cavity.

Perhaps you’ve seen a few apps you’re glad Apple kept out of the App Store? Tell us about them in the comments!

(None of the above apps are real. The preceding was an attempt at humor. Any similarity with actual iPhone or non-iPhone applications is accidental and unintentional, apart from elements used for parodic or satirical purposes.)

Parody site The Onion published a bogus Apple product announcement (that looks quite realistic) about a new Apple notebook without a keyboard, called the Mac Wheel.  It doesn’t seem that far off from something Steve “no buttons, please” Jobs would come up with:

Today, Apple released details about a number of changes to the MacBook product line. Though I will likely come back later to comment on the hardware, I first have to share a little story and some screencaps…

When the MacBook Air came out and I looked at it, something bothered me about the design.  I couldn’t put my finger on it at the time.  A while later, I realized that it had something to do with the keyboard.  Today, looking at the image below (captured from my browser on the CNet site), it finally hit me:

I’d seen something like this before, somewhere, if only I could remember… Eureka! A child’s toy (screencap from a South African auction site):

OK, I know it’s not an exact match.  The screen image used on the toy isn’t that of Leopard.  There’s an extra row of buttons below the keyboard that aren’t on the MacBook. The fake trackpad is black, and it has buttons.  And there are lines that don’t appear in the MacBook case.  I get it.  But you have to admit that on first glance there’s a definite resemblance.  Both have the same aluminum color, the same black frame around the screen, the same black keys with aluminum between them, and the same speaker placement on the keyboard sides.  With a minimal amount of Photoshopping (or in my case, GIMPing), I suspect the resemblance would be more pronounced.  Let’s see:

OK, even given my very mediocre photo retouching talents, you’ve got to see there’s a pretty strong resemblance between the two.  The Mac Fanboys out there are no doubt thinking, “Well, sure… this cheap knock-off probably stole the MacBook Air’s design and just HAPPENS to look like the new MacBooks.”  Well, you’re wrong.  This “cheap knock-off” had this design in 2006 – well before Apple ever released the MacBook Air!  If any “copying” has taken place, it’s Apple borrowing the toy’s design, not the other way around.  Don’t believe me, have a look at these blog posts which feature the toy laptop and note their dates:

• Post on Flickr, dated 2005
• April (2008?) auction listing
• Kid666.com, dated 2006
• Getlofi.com, dated 2006

So the next time someone tells you your shiny new MacBook looks like a “toy computer” they just might not be kidding…

According to a laptop news site, a French newspaper has reported that at least some of the Mac Pros manufactured before 2008 emit benzene, an airborne chemical linked to leukemia and other health problems.  Making more of the situation than is probably fair, we present the following Apple Mac Pro parody advertisement…

An Apple executive has reportedly warned that if music royalties are increased that Apple might have to shut down iTunes.  The following image immediately leaped to mind…

I’m sure this is tongue in cheek, but it’s amusing anyway…